A Glimpse Of Light Through The Night

Timeline: Takes place right after ‘Hello, Goodbye’.

Summary: Three weeks after leaving Logan and Seattle behind, Max comes back to find things have changed and Logan has gone missing.

Disclaimer: Dark Angel and its characters are copyright 2000-2002 Twentieth Century Fox Studios and James Cameron and Charles Eglee. The original fiction and additional characters noted here are copyright 2003 Luke Dench.

Virtual Dark Angel Team Writer: http://www.virtualdarkangel.com

Cape Haven Member: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cape_haven

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PROLOGUE

Max lay in the darkness of the Space Needle, listening to her heart beat heavily.

The rain poured on the city in heavy, drenching waves. The light of the sun was just beginning to start falling from the sky to the distant surroundings.

She looked out over the dark city catching glimpses of the life from below in the flashes of lightning, trying to pretend to be one amongst them, without a dark past, the danger and the pain that came with it.

Every time the thunder roared somewhere in the distance, her head throbbed but it wasn’t from the noise. The rain showered her soaking her clothes, but she ignored it, remaining concentrated on her thoughts.

She pulled her knees up into her chest and put her head down, tears filling her eyes and falling heavily as the rain.

Whenever Max hopped on her Ninja and blazed through the streets of Seattle, she felt all her worries and fears drift to the very back of her mind, losing their importance and power over her during the ride, even if for a small amount of time. She became lost in the feel of the wind whipping past her, the hum of the engine beneath her and the sensations she got from her baby. While she was on her bike she was free, unrestricted, boundless, and nothing bad in her life could touch her. Not while she was in flight, something she had mastered with her baby, making it truly fly.

Today might not have been any different from any other day; she might have been able to hop on her bike and instantly feel everything else apart from her and her Ninja disappear.

Today might have been like any other casual day, if the thoughts of Logan weren’t so heavy in her mind, that she couldn’t push them aside with the aid of her Ninja.

As it was, the ride to Space Needle went a little slower than usual. Her mind however went ten times faster, flooded with endless thoughts accompanied by questions she couldn’t answer. She didn’t need to think about where she was heading; only two other places could offer the peace of mind she needed desperately right then and there, but she could only go to one now, for she had made sure the other was ever out of reach.

Max arrived after a while to the base of Space Needle and just sat on her bike staring up towards the huge construction. Her eyes burning with the tears she was forcing away. Her soul in constant turmoil over the decision she had no choice in making, but hurt her to her very core.

Gradually, she began ascending to the top of the Space Needle, ignoring the warnings of a soon to come bad weather.

Her heart was pounding but not from the effort she put into climbing, but from genuine hurt, feelings that her own personal anti-Christ and her C.O. would have hated to see existed in her, they would call them a weakness; a true soldier stood against opposition without emotions as they are a weakness.

The truth was, her so-called weaknesses were in fact her strength. In her veins flew emotions that filled her heart, emotions a year ago she would never had imagined existed, emotions that would have never existed if not for one man.

Thanks to a man she was the woman she had become. ‘The only man.’

She thought. He was the only man for her as far as she was concerned, the only man in the entire universe. Now she had pushed this man away, forcing herself to not look back.

The decision had been hers alone, left with no other choice, but by pushing away that man, she pushed away her strength.

She stared ahead, looking through the now pouring down weather, trying to find answers to her own questions, questions she dared not answer.

The wind was cool and the air was damp, bringing a liberating scent to coat the surroundings. She smiled as she felt the wind soar through her hair and whip it back, but then the smile would fade as she would fall in her thoughts again.

Three weeks ago she had left the place she had chosen as her home, the man she considered her home, everything that was now a big part of her life, even if for a while. She desperately needed time to think and for that to have any effect, she needed to be alone for the duration of that time.

She had packed some of her clothes in a duffel bag, took some money she had stashed, her pick locking skills as well as the tools for her bike just in case.

That was a few days after she had told the dreaded words to the man who she trusted unconditionally with her life and her heart. Her actions may have broken their hearts in pieces that would never be able to mend; if hearts could shatter, Max was definitely experiencing the feel of that happening.

Shutting off her pager, she explained the situation to Original Cindy, avoiding looking at her out of fear of falling apart. A genetically engineered killing machine – turned into what she was now. She had no idea where she was going to go, or for how long, but she knew she had to, to sort her feelings and to rearrange her thoughts.

After hugging for a long time, they let go and Max feigning a smile lowered her head whilst pushing her bike out of the apartment. She knew she wasn’t leaving for ever, but she couldn’t stop feeling being torn apart leaving.

That was three weeks ago, three weeks away from everything and everyone she knew, spending the time in Portland far away, but still not far enough to make her troubled mind relax. Now, she was back to her home, but it didn’t feel like home when she was heading to her and Original Cindy’s apartment – no, her home was where he was, she knew that now.

From all the crying she was going through, the minutes felt like hours and she was as close to sleep as she would get in a long time to come.

Her dreams, her nightmares, when they would reach a worrying point, she would find herself rescued by a man with the deepest blue eyes she had ever seen and was sure she would never see in anyone else. She could find herself drowning in those eyes, always feeling warmth and security gazing into them. That man called her his angel, but he truly was her Guardian Angel, her protector, someone, the one who always looked over her, protected her no matter the cost.

She woke with a start, curled like a ball, knees on her chest, her hands clutching them with all her might, for fear of falling apart. The rain still poured. It was still dark. For moments she was not sure where she was, but then she remembered what had occurred and now knew where she was and where she was heading.

CHAPTER 01

Logan’s Apartment, Fogle Towers

She didn’t know when it happened. She wasn’t sure how she got there really, she just did. After climbing down Space Needle, Max found herself driving towards Logan’s apartment, accelerating faster and faster as she rode along the dark streets, mechanically avoiding cars and pedestrians, not really noticing them.

Deep in thought, she was certain that she could let her Ninja drive her there, having visited that very same place countless of times.

A little after a half hour she arrived at her destination and sat back on her bike, glancing upwards at Fogle Towers, searching for movement in the Penthouse. (She had decided to walk her bike the last half-block in case he was sleeping at this late hour.)

Wheeling her motorcycle into the garage, she casually parked it beside Logan’s Aztek, not surprised the least to find the garage attendant missing ‘Guess he’s sleeping again, who would be up at this hour?’

Walking up to the elevator she pulled out the electronic card Logan had given her for access to the garage and elevator along with the access to his apartment floor. Ever since the incident with Zack the tenants wanted security upgraded to ensure that similar events would not repeat themselves.

She swiped her card through the card reader, punched in her code, and waited for the elevator to arrive.

She couldn’t really confront him at the current state she was in, but she knew she had to; she had to try and fix that mess between them, a mess that she had caused through lies and deceit.

Max’s motorcycle ride gave her plenty of time to contemplate the reasons as to why she was heading to Logan’s place, but she still wasn’t sure about it all. She wanted to know what was going on between them. She knew they were certainly friends, but were they more? Before the whole Manticore incident it certainly looked that way.

It was hard to pin down her emotions when she didn’t know where to place them. Or more precisely, whether her emotions would be welcomed once she did place them into a particular man’s hands.

After all the pain she had caused him, caused them both, she wasn’t certain if he would want her back, if with what she had done, she had blown her last chance and had ruined the even the faintest possibility of them ever being together, regardless of the virus that started this.

The elevator arrived, but Max was so lost within the depths of her thoughts that she never acknowledged its arrival; instead she unconsciously walked in and pressed the button for the penthouse.

The virus… The retrovirus that was injected by Manticore into her bloodstream and was targeted directly to Logan’s DNA as means to terminate Eyes Only had originally brought all this pain and distance between them, but they still had each other.

But some time or another along the road she decided to give up, hadn’t she? She had chosen to give up on the search for the cure, to give up on any possible relationship or future with Logan.

He however never gave up; he kept going, kept searching, kept helping her when she needed it, regardless of if she wanted the help or not. And how did she repay him? She pushed him further away, to the extent of telling him not to call her anymore, lying to him, telling him they were through and that now she was with Alec.

Sure, she could have just said that they were over or that she was with someone and be done with, but she wanted to cut all links, to try and block away all feelings and emotions that she felt even at the slight mention of Logan along with the hurt she had when she yearned to touch him and remembered that she could not.

She knew that Logan would never buy something like that, she needed something substantial, something that he would, although reluctantly, believe. That’s how she came up with the ‘Alec-idea’; Logan would hurt for a while, but he would recover and move on with his life without her endangering his life by mere touch.

So why all of a sudden the second thoughts, why was she feeling this way? There were never words of kindness or affection exchanged between them, there weren’t any promises of ‘wants’ and ‘loves’. There had never been such things between Logan and her.

The only thing close to intimate between them were a few kisses, hopes for a better future together, and when they were finally finding out their feelings for each other and figuring out what was that between them, all hell broke loose and she ‘died’

in his arms, only to return from the depths of hell and nearly kill Logan with just one kiss, a kiss of death.

Before she met him, she had never wanted such things as love, it was all a sentimental lie to her; she was just looking out for herself, number one and no one else. For a while she experienced some of what she could have; she wanted to belong, to be loved.

After the virus nearly being fatal again to the love of her life, she had managed to convince herself that she didn’t need such things, that they only brought pain and misery.

But then why all of a sudden did she want them now?

Because she was tired; exhausted from pretending she didn’t need emotional baggage, exhausted from saying they ‘weren’t like that’ and using the virus as an excuse because they ‘were like that’

dammit.

She cared about Logan, a lot. She couldn’t place the time of when it happened or how but somewhere along the way their friendship grew past the ‘just friends limits’, he broke through those high walls she had built around herself. And now she knew that her life would never be the same without him it. He had become a very important part of it and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Max longed for the sight of Logan’s deep blue eyes as they lit up every time she entered the room, the way they showed her thousands of emotions just for her, emotions that neither dared to place. But it was more than that. She loved the way he smiled at her, the way he could make her feel warm inside by bringing out a look designed to make her melt, causing her heart to do a quick leap every time she received it.

Every time she heard him call her name she could feel her heart swell with joy at the way he caressed the sound of the word “Max”

with those lustful lips of his.

Even though they both knew she could very well take care of herself, she longed for the concern she saw in his eyes as he spoke to her two words “Be careful”. To someone else it would seem like a casual non important show of concern, but to her it was more, it made her smile knowing that someone actually cared, truly cared for her. When her eyes would find his, she always felt secure, being in his presence made her feel safe, knowing that she wasn’t all alone, not anymore.

Thinking back to the beginning of all of this, a while after they had met each other and Max had a sudden case of seizure, she remember that she hadn’t felt vulnerable seizing, because he was there, he was looking after her, taking care of her. She always hid her weaknesses from others because she didn’t want them to be used against her, but Logan was different, he saw past them and he didn’t judge her, he was simply there for her.

What did that mean? Max didn’t really know. Was that love she felt? She couldn’t really tell. But if the way he looked at her and supported her when she needed it the most were of any indication, let alone his evident concern for her wellbeing at all times and the words of love he gave her on the beach, she knew that she felt exactly what the meaning of those words were, the same way he felt for her.

So again it came down to how she truly felt. Was it love that made her stomach tighten in a knot, made her want to reach out and touch him so badly that it hurt her to her very being? If it was, then that was just fine because she no longer was in the mood for running away from the thought. But then again it wasn’t just fine. Her body kept reaching out for warmth, craving the feel of touch, but not anyone’s touch, Logan’s exclusively.

Above all uncertainties one thing was certain, Max enjoyed Logan’s presence. Happiness dwelled within her when he was around and her face literally glowed when their eyes met. It wasn’t anything in particular that drew her to him. She just was, simple and complicated at the same time as that. There was something different about him. There was something different about the way she felt about him. It was different than her usual non-heat attraction to a guy. It was… deep, making her feel elemental emotions, as if visceral, if one could acknowledge primal desirability. Then again, she was part feline.

Thoughts of being drawn to Logan forever appealed to Max. If they could just overcome certain obstacles, it could might well happen.

It felt wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Was there such a thing as true love? For the first time in a very long time, Max let herself believe that maybe there was. For her. For Logan. For the two of them. Together.

But what about Logan? Was he just as drawn to her as she was to him? Max didn’t know, although everything he did and said made her feel that he was, but could she be certain? Would he still feel this way after all that had happened, after all this time? One way or another, she was about to find out. There would be no more running away. Her mind could scream all it wanted with Escape and Evade tactics that would advise her to take off when she could no longer handle the situation. No more living with their business partnership status of quid pro quo. Tonight they would find out each other’s emotions and face up to them. And tomorrow they would live with the consequences of what tonight would reveal.

The doors of the elevator opened suddenly and Max was somewhat pulled out of her reverie, only to be struck with a feel of worry, hesitation for what she was about to face.

Just as thoughts of running away crept into her mind, music of Valse Triste invaded her thinking, bringing with it memories of the dream she had of dancing with Logan. She smiled to herself. It felt as if they had shared that dream; had they truly? Her heart was saying yes and there was only one way to find out; she would have to ask Logan some time.

With the intention of confronting Logan, Max made her way out of the lift and towards Logan’s apartment.

She knocked on his door. Once. Twice.

Nothing happened.

She waited a bit.

She knocked again.

She waited some more.

She knocked again. This time the knock was louder. This time there was no way it could not be heard.

‘Sleeping?’ She thought turning to leave. ‘I shouldn’t bother him at this hour.’ But the strangest of things happened to her, she wasn’t moving forward towards the elevator again. She turned around again, this time facing the door and almost systematically reached at the back of her outfit, her hand digging into the deep pocket that her small lock picking tools resided behind the hidden flap, powerless to stop herself from picking the lock.

Finding no resistance whatsoever Max turned the knob and found the door give way. ‘That’s odd, Logan always locks his door’

All thoughts of how she would find Logan, the possibility of him being happy to see her or mad, or even indifferent flew out the window, concern filling her senses.

As the door opened silently, Max stepped into the apartment. The silence that reigned upon Logan’s residence was daunting. She had never felt like this before, not at Logan’s; here she always felt safe.

Scenarios of what might have happened came rushing to her, and for the first time ever she was afraid, afraid being in Logan’s home, afraid of what might have happened to him.

Concern completely evident in her voice, she called out for him.

“Logan?”

CHAPTER 02

Logan’s Apartment, Fogle Towers

Max walked slowly, scanning her surroundings as she concentrated on sudden movements and faint sounds, anything to indicate her that Logan was there.

Opening the door to Logan’s room slowly, she couldn’t help but feel a smile crossing her face from the sight of the apartment, where she had spent most of her time with Logan.

But the nagging feeling in the back of her mind that there was something wrong would not come to a stop. As she was met with a deadly silence, she hoped to find him in his bedroom, sleeping peacefully with no troubles of the world even for at least a few hours.

To her dismay the bed was empty, neatly made as if he hadn’t gone to bed yet. Closing the door behind her casually yet with care to not make a noise, she headed for the hall to proceed with her investigation of the rest of the rooms.

That was when she realized that there was no humming noise coming from the computer room, nor was there any blue light escaping the computer room from the monitors.

As she got there, she leaned against the doorframe as she would always do when she came over. The view before her under normal circumstances would have pleased her, thinking that Logan was willing to have a break and possibly some fun, but this was not the time.

The computer systems were shut down and the hard drives were missing from their casings. She looked amongst the equipment for any indication that would tell her the Informant Net was safe from unwanted access and exposure, but her hopes were drowned in despair, as she couldn’t find any evidence to show that Logan was the one that had taken the drivers or if he was alright.

The unexpected dreadful thought hit her; ‘Could it be? Eyes Only was no more?’

Worried for the worse, she started calling for him in a quiet voice.

“Logan?”

She started walking towards the living room and then into the kitchen.

The fridge was somewhat full, but what really surprised Max was the fact that it contained nothing of what she would usually find when raiding Logan’s fridge.

It was filled with snacks, leftovers from fast food, Chinese take-out packages and a slice of pizza on a plate. A small sad smile crossed her face as she took notice that there was also lots of milk in the fridge, something strange since Logan didn’t usually drink much milk unless he was sharing with her and since she wasn’t coming around anymore…

Closing the fridge she came to the conclusion that she was alone in the apartment, yet couldn’t help but call out for him once more.

“Logan where are you?”

Again, nothing…

Logan was not there, not in his room, not lost into his Eyes Only world with his expensive advanced computers; nowhere.

A glint of light caught her sight, turning towards its direction Max saw the chess board, the same one she used to spend endless hours with Logan constantly teasing each other and trying to out win the other.

Her fingers idled at the side of the board, then slid along from the black pawns to the white, till a sign of recognition crossed her face and she brought her fingertips to touch her lips, letting a soft gasp escape them.

The figures of the chess game were positioned in the exact same order as when they had played their last chess game, but never got to finish, before their lives that couldn’t get any worse became hell and Logan nearly died again. Yet Logan hadn’t moved a single piece, not one figurine from that night. It was as if he still had hope that they would continue that game in the future, together.

All of a sudden a very faint noise came from somewhere, barely audible but Max was still able to pick it up. Her senses went to overdrive and if one was to look at her at that exact moment it would appear as if her ears perked up.

She moved within the shadows, concentrating on the sound she had heard just mere seconds ago, trying to pinpoint the source of the sound.

Undetected still, a dark figure quietly stood in a crouched position near the entrance of the skylight, continuing to watch the female below with great interest carefully gazing at her every movement for any sudden changes.

Unexpectedly the young woman inside the room turned and looked towards the skylight, almost as if she knew that there was someone there. The look in her eyes showed no emotions, only determination. She was obviously concentrating on something outside the apartment, causing the now even more cautious figure to move back slowly.

That hasty move, no matter how much the figure tried to make noiseless was his downfall. It was all that Max needed to verify her concern that there was indeed someone up there, watching her.

‘Anyone could be up there’ Max thought to herself. ‘But not many would be able to access the skylight to gain access to the inside of the penthouse, unless they were from Manticore. Oh no… Manticore… here… Logan…’

The pieces started to fit together into a picture that Max could not dare to visualize for the impact of its truth would be hard to believe yet devastating at the same time.

This was no time for thoroughly analyzing the situation, there would be time for that after the assumed Manticore Operative was dealt with.

In order to disorient her soon-to-be opponent Max stopped looking towards the skylight and instead looked ahead towards the windows, then casually started walking away from the window panel to come to an abrupt stop, turn and run full speed towards it; with a fluid and elegant jump through the open portion of the window with no supports to assist her.

Everything happened in such swift measure that a normal human eye would have been unable to perceive what just took place.

A sudden cry of surprise came from the roof and with it a few deep thumps which were probably from the punches shared between Max and the assailant.

Within a few seconds having past since the time Max jumped up through the penthouse skylight and onto the roof, two figures in black fell through the window and onto the apartment’s floor with a thud and a groan eliciting from them. Their shadows were dancing on the walls against the moonlight invading the rooms through the translucent windows.

From the fall her adversary was still disoriented, trying shakily to get up and stand on his two feet; this was the opportunity Max was looking for. Wasting no time and without hesitation she back flipped expertly towards the intruder, knocking the air out of his lungs and sending him crashing into one of the bookshelves.

The force with which he was struck into the bookshelf resulted in knocking some books out of their place and onto the floor.

By now Max was fully alert and going back into her combat training, landing lightly on the wooden floor and standing in a crouch position as if a feline ready to pounce on her prey.

Hovering in a circular pattern around the fallen person, Max stood watching his every move carefully analyzing possible threats that would arouse from him and taking in his outfit.

He was dressed in a completely black outfit. His face was not well shown in the darkness of the room, yet the dim light that fell through made only his chocolate eyes visible.

As more of the moonlight came into contact with the dark figure, more of his features could be seen. He wasn’t wearing a mask which gave a better view of the person.

The unknown assailant revealed itself now as a beautiful young woman with long blond hair; her face now bearing a cut lip and frightened with shock eyes.

Max’s eyes widened with shock as she stood there, recognizing all of a sudden the intruder as her sister Syl.

“Syl??”

Hearing the all too familiar voice the young woman relaxed a bit and tried to produce a smile.

“Maxie?”

Seeing the woman above her smile and nod her calm demeanour returned to take place after her fighting stance that was there only moments ago before introductions were made.

“Maxie, it’s so good to see you,” Syl tried to speak but the pain in her chest from the fight minutes earlier were causing her to cough in between sentences. “Then it’s true, you really are alive.”

“Yeah, alive and kicking”

“Welcome back baby sister. By the way, nice moves.” Syl managed to bring out before a set of coughs took over again. Even though she was genetically engineered girl, the all too quick fight with Max and the fall from the roof took quite a toll on her.

Max blushed with embarrassment and tried to look down and away; she didn’t quite expect to come across her sister when she made that jump. Looking back at Syl she said, “Sorry about that. Are you alright?”

Syl looked up and into her sister’s eyes filled with concern for her well being, and to put her mind to ease she gave her a half-smile and said, “I’ll live. You pack quite a punch little sister.”

By now Max’s face was passing through various shades of red, but eventually she managed to keep it under control, in order to help out her sister. Leaning over her, she looked for any signs that would indicate bad health, she noticed Syl was having a hard time trying to get up.

“Need any help?”

“Yeah, help me get up and into the guest room sis.”

“Sure.”

Max put her sister’s right arm over her shoulders and holding her waist they lifted her up. Together side by side they slowly walked through the hallway and into the guest room where Syl with a little bit of help from Max leaned over and lied on the bed.

Max instinctively reached for her sister’s feet in order to remove her shoes, but came up empty handed as she was barefoot and judging by the look in the room, she was the resident that had concerned Max.

Prior to visiting the living room, she had checked inside the guest room, where she came across a ruffled bed and female garments in the drawers amongst her own that she didn’t recognize. Signs of surprise and hurt came across Max’s face as she took in the surroundings, noticing the changes that were made during her absence. ‘Could Logan have gotten over me so quickly? Would he do that? I wouldn’t blame him if he did move on; it wasn’t like they were really like that anymore. And I’m sure that blonde Asha was there to comfort him.’

But now, seeing that it was Syl and not Asha, an air of calmness filled Max’s body before remembering the fact that Logan wasn’t there and Syl was here.

‘Something must be wrong’ unable to keep the questions from reaching the surface, Max asked, “Syl not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here? Where’s Logan?”

After recovering for a few moments Syl replied to her, “We came to visit and check up him. We were worried about him, since…” she trailed off not wanting to bring back bad memories with the words that were sure to come. “It’s good to have you back little sister. Logan never stopped crying when you were… away…”

“Where is he Syl? Why isn’t he here?”

“Max you better come and sit down…”

CHAPTER 03

Logan’s Apartment, Fogle Towers

Max pleaded to her sister, worried for what she was about to hear, “What? Why? What’s wrong? Syl tell me.”

“Max… I don’t know how to tell you this…”

“Please, just tell me…”

“Max… I… I’m sorry… There was nothing we could do…” Syl refused to meet her sister’s eyes and instead looked down, directing her full attention to the floor as she let out the dreadful news about her sister’s boyfriend.

“Oh god… no…” the words escaped Max’s lips, leaving her gasping for air breathless.

“He… they just came out of nowhere. Krit couldn’t stop them… They tried to run, but… his exoskeleton short-circuited. They shot at them, Krit got hit in the shoulder and Logan got hit in the chest and his left leg.” after taking a deep breath, Syl let out more of the events of that fateful night, “He’s gone Max, we… we couldn’t stop them, I’m sorry…”

During Syl’s recollection of the past events, Max remained silent, literally lost for words as she tried to comprehend what had happened. She just couldn’t set her mind to believe that Logan was gone; she had seen him just three weeks ago.

The worst part was how they went separate ways; they had a fight and Logan was left thinking that she was with another person. He now would never know how she felt about him.

“Is he… He… He’s de…” her speech faltered, showing how she was on the verge of breakdown. She couldn’t bring herself to admit that he could be dead, she just couldn’t.

Seeing how Max had misunderstood her information, Syl tried quickly to correct herself, “Max no, don’t think like that. We… we don’t know for sure. You need to have hope.”

“Hope is for losers…” Syl had a hard time hearing Max’s words even with her enhanced hearing, words spoken quieter than even a whisper, as if for fear that if saying them out loud would make them true.

“So? Maybe it is, but it’s what we have to keep on going.”

Seeing Max so fragile at that moment, hearing what she had to say, but not really wanting to believe it was true, made Syl’s heart ache for her.

She wanted to somehow comfort her with good news, tell her that everything was going to turn out well, but she knew she couldn’t; she didn’t have any news that would bring a smile on her face, reassuring her that Logan was out of harm’s way.

So, instead, she reached out to hold on of Max’s hands with her own, covering them as if to provide support and fuel each others bodies with a feel that everything would eventually turn out in a better way than they are at the moment.

Tugging at her hand, Syl brought Max to sit on the side of the bed, next to her, to lean in a sisterly embrace, leaning their heads with their chins onto each other’s opposite shoulder.

After a few minutes, Max managed to regain some composure and she pulled away from her older sister’s embrace, only to find the lack of warmth and reassurance from the embrace to be missed. However it wasn’t as comforting as it would have been with Logan, seeing him again.

Trying slowly to get up with unsteady footing, she started walking towards the door to the guest room, only to stop for a moment to look back at her sister, and then carried on walking towards her destination, towards the big windows to try to stay composed, to try and think things through. She needed to maintain a level of serenity, she needed Logan; she had to find him.

Where was she going to start searching for him? Without the most vital hardware in his computer station it would be near impossible to use the Informant Net. Even if she managed somehow to obtain what she needed, probably from the black market like he did, she would need to get through all the security parameters he had set up. Yet with all her computer hacking knowledge obtained from her original stay at Manticore, she still had a limited amount of skills compared to Logan, which would make it difficult to hack into the Informant Network.

As every second of every minute passed, the loss and loneliness she was feeling was increasing. Even when she had left three weeks ago, deep inside her she knew that Logan would always be there when she returned; she never suspected that something like this would happen.

On her way to the window she often found herself looking out to the city, she noticed some of the books from the bookshelf that had fallen on the floor. Bending down to pick them up as she was reaching for each of the books, she came across one she uniquely recognised as Logan’s book of poems; it had a piece of paper that was loose from the cover of the book upon which she noticed her name.

Finally picking up the books, she absent-mindedly placed the other fallen books in their original position on the bookshelf, while keeping her attention on the book firmly held in her right hand.

Walking towards Logan’s bedroom, she stopped for a moment, her left hand leaning on the wall beside the door, to look around the room carefully, memorizing every inch of it into her memory.

She had come into this room with him in it so many times before. Sometimes he was sleeping and she just watched him, taking in everything her senses brought to her.

Slowly, with her feline grace, she walked inside, to the edge of the bed and sat down in the middle, the book still firmly clutched between her hands.

Looking on her right, she noticed the black sweater lying on top of the covers, the one she had gotten him for his birthday last year. It was a bit expensive, covering several days of payment from work, but it was definitely worth getting just to see his eyes brighten up as they did when she gave it to him.

Now it was one of her favourites, one of the ones she enjoyed seeing him wear; she felt that somehow he knew that too, so he made sure to wear it more often than others. It would fit him perfectly, outlining every muscle of his upper body, even though it was a sweater and not his tight leather jacket.

Resting the book momentarily on the bed, she grabbed the sweater with both hands, bringing it up to her face; she inhaled deeply, remembering his scent, enjoying the feel the smooth surface of the sweater provided on her skin. His scent was fading but for now it was still there.

Her mind slowly diverted from the sweater back to the book Logan engraved his thoughts, his true undisclosed self, without any walls guarding his emotions. She placed the black sweater on her lap and reached for the book again, her hands pulling out the folded sheet of paper that had caught her attention, containing her name on it.

Unfolding it, Max started reading several times through the document she had picked up, her eyes never wavering from it.

Her eyes transferred from word to word, carefully reading over and over every word. Her mind imprinted those words deep into her memory so that they would never leave her. Logan spoke them out loud to her as her eyes read them; it was as if he was actually there, looking at her, speaking to her.

Her mind started to produce more thoughts, racing as she took in those few words that were contained in the sheet of paper; those few words that enclosed so much emotion. Sobs all of a sudden filled her body and she started crying again, her body shaking with such emotion she hadn’t felt since the time she had last seen him, as well as all the times she came close to losing him.

Tear drops started falling on the manuscript, until it was yellow from the moisture it had collected.

As she sat on the edge of the bed, she could almost feel him there sleeping soundly. She found herself wishing it were true as she clutched Logan’s sweater tightly as close to her chest as she could, she fell back on the bed, pulling herself to the pillow and setting her head down as she curled up in a ball, letting her tears flow, her only thoughts being of Logan.

“I’m sorry.”

She whispered to the shadows as if someone could hear her words, pass the message to Logan, as if someone cared for what she had to say.

“I’m so sorry Logan…”

She whispered before sleep took her.

Horrid dreams used to invade her when she was most vulnerable, during her sleep. She would dream herself being locked up in the farthest, darkest corner of a room. Her only feelings being of someone abandoned, unworthy and unloved by anyone and everyone. Logan was always there amongst the shadows, taking refuge in the darkness that surrounded the room, but he would never move; she would beg and scream for him but nothing would ever come of it. At that moment she would usually wake up, realising that she was more alone than even before.

In her mind she was having memories, reliving times from the past, a past she shared with Logan, of times together.

Her thoughts drifted, remembering the night she first met Logan. At first she recalled the first time they ever laid eyes on each other, their first words, their first emotions.

The day had started just like any other day in this post-Apocalyptic world. The sun came up, although it was well hidden above the clouds, obscuring its view to the people below. Those clouds earlier in the day had brought once again an ever expectant storm into the city, drenching Seattle’s streets in dark grey tones and casting upon them depressing, humid shadows. Now, in the aftermath of the day, the shadows had fallen entirely upon the city, a welcoming feeling found by some in the shadows, a feel of reality, of security. In her dream, Max found herself staring out over the city through the window she had broken such a long time ago.

“You’re a thief?” He had asked. She could honestly not retrieve from her memory a single occurrence when anyone had been so relieved to find out they were being robbed; considering her wide capacity of committing to memory ability it meant a lot. It was quite amusing to hear, and couldn’t stop her lips from breaking up a smile.

“Girl’s gotta make a living.”

She smiled.

“Thank God,”

Logan said. She snickered.

Again, she came to realization of something… she realized she had never laughed, truthfully laughed, while someone had a gun pointed at her.

Somehow she knew with certainty at that moment that he would never allow any harm to come upon her. It was a strange and yet wonderful feeling, a feeling she came to admit to herself that she actually wanted to have from that moment onwards.

“Never heard that one before,” she replied.

He had smiled then also, it was more of a quirk of his lips bringing upon them a smile, but he was obviously more at ease now than he was before.

“Things are a little tense around here right now,” he said as an explanation to the situation.

“Guess you weren’t expecting the pizza delivery guy…” she replied with witticism.

He glanced down at the bag. She had more than sufficient opportunities to get to him, relieve him of his shotgun and retrieve the bag with the stolen goods, but for some reason, she knew she was in no danger and found herself not wanting to leave.

It was like destiny had decided that they should cross paths. It appeared as if he had been waiting for her to show up, and when she finally did, their lives would never be as they were before, never be the same again.

“You have good taste,” he commented, glancing at the statuette. “French, 1920s, attributed to Chitaris,”

“Whoever that is…”

She smirked.

“Oh… what? You liked it because it was shiny?”

He challenged her with a devious smile.

She knew he was challenging her at that moment, and in that confrontation, she realized he didn’t fear her as much as he should have feared her. She knew right then and there; something was different about this man, something that set him aside and above other men, made him unique in a way.

This person seemed to have no longer a concern about his weapon, an ordinary as he seemed to be, and focused his complete and undivided attention towards the woman in front of him.

He had decided to use his charms and witticism with her. The feelings that aroused within her, washing over her like rain, were entirely enjoyable by her, so she chose to continue the foreplay with him.

“No, because it’s the Egyptian Goddess Bast, the goddess who comprehends all goddesses, Eye of Ra, protector, avenger, destroyer…giver of life who lives forever…”

Then the security team came, and she run towards the huge windows and jumped through them and out of the apartment. In the background noise as she was falling she could hear the guy that owned the apartment call off his security force, telling them to ‘hold their fire’.

Without him in her life, she wasn’t sure what she would do, how she would go on living without him being a part of her life, a part of her.

He made her realize that she actually had a life, a soul, and emotions; that there were many reasons to keep on going, to fight for what she truly wanted and deserved to have.

He taught her how to care, how to be compassionate; he showed her that she was not a soldier, that she was a real girl, a person with a place in the world. He may have never realized, but he was her source of strength, her lifeline.

She could never truly repay all the things he had done for her, nor would he ever comprehend how important he was to her, but she only hoped that somehow, by searching for him, finding ways of tracking him and getting him back safe and sound, that she would have another chance at returning a bit of that to him.